


Insecurities

by coolasdicks



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, insecure!Michael, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolasdicks/pseuds/coolasdicks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt Fill:</p>
<p>"Hi! This is from one of glackedandmullered's ahot6 prompted fics (which I absolutely loved) and I just love the idea of it and I need to read more. "Michael being insecure about his spot in the relationship then all of them comforting him" :D"</p>
<p>and</p>
<p>"sorry I don't want to bother you but can you make a fic where linsdsey finds out about the relationship and starts fangirling and freaking out and asking about whos bottom, and michael starts freaking out super embarresed and says nothing. lindsey freaks out and trys asking the other guys and michael freaks out and tries with all his might to keep her away from them so they cant tell her hes a huge bottom. sorry n////n"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities

Michael wasn’t embarrassed about being a relationship with five other guys. He wasn’t embarrassed about kissing Geoff or slapping Ryan’s ass. Hell, he wasn’t even embarrassed about being bear-hugged in front of the camera by Jack, or by having his own ass groped on both cheeks at the same time by an X-Ray and Vav double team as they so often like to do.

Michael wasn’t embarrassed about his relationship.

It was his  _role_ in it that Michael was unsure of.

So when Lindsay found out about their odd, defective relationship and the first thing to come out of her mouth was a question about sex, the redhead couldn’t help but freak out a little.

Unsurprisingly, it was completely Gavin’s fault. It had started with Gavin slyly hinting at their polyamorous relationship not only to their fans but to their fucking coworkers, which, in Michael’s opinion, was over the line, and had he realized what Gavin was doing earlier, he would’ve damn sure put a stop to it.

While she had been the first to mention it to one of the guys, Lindsay hadn’t been the first to figure it out. Michael wasn’t positive, but he was fairly sure that Burnie had known for a while, Kara knew because she did make-up for the podcast and had to cover up any hickies on the boys, and both Barbara and Gus had guessed based on Gavin’s stupid suggestions and innuendos. It wasn’t a surprise – Gavin and Michael made a lot of gay jokes in videos or podcasts but that was purely for the fans’ enjoyment. When it started to get a little more blatant on the camera, Gavin started to so coyly hint at it while they weren’t on screen, too.

Burnie, Gus, nor Barbara, however, said anything to Michael directly about it, so once Michael realized they knew, he could easily pretend they didn’t, even if he tended to be a little quieter around them. His best fucking friend Lindsay, on the other hand, had no such self-control.

Michael groaned as he heard her voice floating down the hall close to the Achievement Hunter office, chatting happily with Barbara as they neared the front desk. Already anticipating her approach, Michael had a glare aimed at the doorway when she passed the room. They met eyes.

“Hi, Michael,” she cooed, winking and giving him a sly wave. She slowed so she had time to make sure he got the message, glancing around at the other Hunters, who were busy working on other things, before looking back at Michael and smiling. Barbara looked confused as Lindsay intertwined their arms and led her forward. Michael grit his teeth at the sound of the door opening and closing.

“Michael?” Gavin said a few minutes later, sounding curious.

“Yeah,” Michael hummed, eyes scanning the page pulled up on his browser. He glanced at Gavin, who was looking at him with interest. “What?”

“Are you and Lindsay fighting?” he asked, frowning.

“What?” Michael repeated, this time squawking the word. He pulled off his headphones and glared at the Brit. “Of course not, why?”

“You just death glared her down the hallway,” Gavin pointed out, raising an eyebrow. “Or was it Barbara you were mad at –”

Gavin’s eyes widened as he abruptly cut himself off, suddenly making the connection. His cheeks pinked slightly as he gave Michael a cheeky grin, pursing his mouth in a tight-lipped smiled once he turned back to his computer.

Michael stared at the side of his face. “What, Gavin?” he demanded.

“Nothing, Michael,” Gavin sang.

Michael’s eye twitched. “Did you tell her?” he hissed angrily.

Gavin faked a look of offense, throwing on a hurt expression as he stared back at Michael. “Of course not!” he cried. “I wouldn’t have told anybody without talking to you guys, first. You know that.”

Michael ground his teeth together as he stared at Gavin in frustration. “Right,” he said slowly. “Like you haven’t pretty much told all of our fans already.”

“I never told anyone,” Gavin said with a smug grin. “Not outright, anyway. That was our agreement, was it not?”

“Yeah, one that you’re not sticking to in the slightest,” Michael grumbled, giving up and turning back his computer, trying to force the image of Gavin’s stupid, happy face from his mind. He saw Ray sniggering from the corner of his eye and sent the Puerto Rican a dirty look.

A loving sticking out of the tongue was returned back to him.

—-

Lindsay cornered him in the office during his lunch hour, exactly two days after realizing that Michael was in a relationship – a real, sexually involved, emotional  _relationship_ – with his coworkers. He’d been avoiding her for the better part of the day, their only interaction being Lindsay’s notorious evocative glances when she passed the door to the AH office.

Michael was bending down to reach a Redbull on the bottom shelf of the pantry when a hand stroked the small of his back. Thinking it was one of his boyfriends, Michael turned around with a warm smile that instantly froze over when he saw the self-satisfied smile on Lindsay’s face.

“What?” Michael barked at her when she continued to smirk at him.

“You should answer my questions,” she pouted, pushing out her lips in an unhappy frown. When Michael made to move around her, she blocked him by placing her arms on either side of the wall, effectively trapping him in the pantry.

“No,” Michael said flatly. He glanced furtively over her shoulder, but they were alone in the kitchen.

“C’mon, Michael,” Lindsay whined, leaning closer as she stomped her foot. “That’s so unfair! I tell you everything about  _my_ sex life but you just shut me out when I ask about yours.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “You tell me that stuff against my will,” he told her.

“Oh, please,” Lindsay scoffed. “You live for my tales.”

Michael didn’t answer, instead attempting to duck under her arms. She blocked him with her body, crowding him backwards until his back hit the selves. He huffed.

“It’s not fair, Michael,” Lindsay said seriously, smiling internally when guilt started to fill Michael’s brown eyes. “Please?”

Michael couldn’t find it in himself to answer, so he just sullenly stared at her, politely waiting for the woman’s arms to release him. They had an intense standoff, Lindsay standing as the unstoppable force and Michael the unmovable wall. The tense atmosphere was broken when Lindsay fired a direct and very personal question.

“Who bottoms in bed?”

Michael tried to suppress the blush that was beginning to stain his cheeks. “No one, because we aren’t dating!” he hissed furiously, glancing around to make sure that no one had heard. “And talk quieter!”

“Don’t even try to deny that part,” Lindsay said, rolling her eyes as if Michael was stupid. “I’m not stupid. It’s hard to miss the way you guys  _all_ look at each other, and quite frankly, it’s absolutely adorable.”

Michael fought back the pleased smile that was threatening to break his sober composure. He words stirred something pleasant in his heart, causing the muscle to beat over actively. He had always been a little insecure in the relationship – it was so new and scary to him. Hearing something like that was like lifting an anvil off his chest.

“But that’s not what I’m asking about,” Lindsay reminded him, raising her brows at him. “How does it work, with six guys in bed? Do you split up into three pairs of two, or two groups of three, or do you all just sorta lay on the bed in a pile and randomly hump?”

“Fuck,” Michael cursed, shocked at Lindsay’s crudeness. While it wasn’t exactly rare for her to be so blunt, she often respected that it usually belonged behind closed doors. Now, however, she just wanted answers. “None of that is… just no, Linds.”

“Michael,” she groaned, hanging her head before glaring at him through her bangs. “You  _know_ I’m not going to let this go,” she said plainly, shaking her head. “Honestly, I don’t even know why you’re trying.”

“Because it’s embarrassing!” Michael blurted, his entire face turning a harsh shade of crimson.

His ears were assaulted by a sudden, loud squeal from Lindsay, who pulled back and did a little jig around the kitchen, dancing wildly and finishing the small show with a celebratory, “Yes!” accompanied by a vicious fist pump.

Michael stared at her, thinking over his words and the context in which he said them. Realizing he’d just admitted to being in a relationship, Michael made a distressed grunt, clenching his jaw and shoving his way past the brunette, forgetting about what he’d originally come in there for. She followed him, grinning largely with sparkling eyes.

“You didn’t answer,” she said when they were close to the Achievement Hunter room. When Michael ignored her, she grabbed the back of his hoodie and yanked him to a stop before he could open the black door.

“What?” he snapped irritably, adjusting the strings of his jacket and glaring at her.

“You’re not seriously going to deny it now, are you?” Lindsay asked disappointedly.

Giving a sigh, Michael stared angrily at the wall and muttered, “No, it’s not like I’m in denial.” Guessing what was running through the brunette’s mind, he added, “It’s a good thing, what we have. I wasn’t denying because it’s not… good.”

Lindsay nodded in understanding. “You were embarrassed,” she said sympathetically. “You _shouldn’t_ be,” she tacked on with a sharp look. “I’m your best friend. You shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell me anything.”

Michael grumbled something unintelligible.

“You still haven’t answered my question though,” Lindsay said with a grin. “Explain to me what happens in the bedroom! Give me all the raunchy details, the crude examples, the dirty –”

“Shut up, Lindsay!” Michael hissed loudly, turning on his heel and fairly convinced that the blush high on his cheekbones wasn’t even going to fade.

“No, no, you have to answer!” Lindsay said with annoyance, tugging on the back of his jacket once more. “Just tell me who takes it up the bum.”

“That’s private!”

“Nothing’s private to a bestie!”

“Gavin and Ray like to get fucked,” Michael said, conveniently leaving out that he also thoroughly enjoyed a good pounding. Not even the night before had Michael engaged in some rather filthy sexual activities, which may or may not have involved him kneeling between Jack’s knees, the redhead’s back against his chest and bearded man’s fingers moving in his asshole, while Geoff fucked his mouth and Ryan stroked his cock, occasionally gripping him around the base to stave off his orgasm as Jack massaged his prostate and sucked marks into his neck. A vivid flashback to the event made Michael’s hidden hickeys burn and his scalp tingle where Geoff had gripped his hair.

He had to blink himself back to reality, pleasant warmth spreading across his chest for a far different reason than embarrassment. His heart fluttered as he tried to focus on what Lindsay was saying.

“I’d imagine that Geoff could be a switch,” she was saying casually, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

“A what?” Michael sputtered.

“Do both,” she said before waving off the thought. “Are there like specific combinations in bed or –”

“Stop, stop,” Michael begged, his face once more heating up.

“So it’s all at once?” she giggled, looking slightly flustered herself. “That’s awfully kinky. What do you do? Or  _who_ do you do?”

Michael couldn’t find the words to answer, his lie coming up short and unable to leave his lips. His honest answer wasn’t one that would make sense according to what he’d just said, because unless he was asexual or didn’t enjoy intercourse, it wouldn’t add up if two ‘tops’, as Lindsay would put it, were going at it.

Lindsay’s eyes widened at his silence and she leaned forward, her face barely inches from his. “Are you –?”

“Shh!”

“Do you like –?”

“Shh!” he hissed more insistently, shoving her face away and backing up. He felt hot all over and was feeling humiliated. Hands balled up into fists, he glared at her and said, “Stop fucking asking shit that isn’t your business, oh my god!”

She didn’t even seem to pay him any mind. “You bottom don’t you, oh my god! That’s like – the – it – power bottom!” She couldn’t even get the words out properly, squealing and snatching his hands up in a tight grasp, forcing the redhead into a hyperactive waltz before releasing him and jumping up and down.

“No, I don’t!” Michael said loudly, cutting off her annoying wailing. She stopped jumping but was still sporting an extremely irritating smirk. “I don’t bottom,” he said, voice strained as he tried to calm himself.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of it, Michael,” Lindsay told him seriously. “It’s perfectly okay to –”

“I fuck guys, I don’t get fucked by guys,” Michael said abrasively. A loud clearing of a throat behind him made him spin on his heels and swallow thickly. Burnie was staring at him with a hesitant smile, looking shocked but oddly happy.

“Michael,” he said, clearly repressing a chuckle. “I’m happy that you’re comfortable with your sexuality, but the entire building doesn’t necessarily need to know your preferences in bed.” He winked.

Lindsay was giggling as Burnie passed by them in the hallway, nodding to the bearded man and chirping a farewell as he left through the building’s front doors. Michael rolled his eyes as she crossed her arms.

“Ridiculous,” he muttered. “Thanks, Lindsay. He already fucking  _knows_ too, ugh –”

Lindsay’s smile disappeared. “What!” she squawked, uncrossing her arms and staring at Michael. “You told Burnie before you told me!”

“No,” Michael said as if she were stupid. “I don’t really give a shit who knows. I’m proud of it, in fact; I have  _five_  hot guys under my belt.” He blushed at his own unintentional innuendo but continued without acknowledgement. “But I knew these stupid questions would follow after I told you, so I didn’t mention it.”

She made a face. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of it,” she said.

“I’m not, that’s what I just said.”

“Not that – bottoming. Catching. Being on the receiving end,  _whatever._ It’s totally normal.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Michael sneered. “If it was weird, I wouldn’t be fucking guys in the first place.”

He watched as she rolled her eyes, looking faintly irked. “I think you’re lying to me.”

Michael didn’t say anything. He felt bad lying to his best friend, so he settled on silence instead.

She smiled at his lame tactic and walked around him, approaching the AH office. “Fine. I’ll just ask Gavin. I’m sure he’ll be just thrilled to tell me.”

“No you won’t! They’re recording in there.”

Lindsay frowned, but she stood resolutely by the closed door. “Then I’ll wait till they’re done,” she hissed, planting herself firmly in front.

“Idiot,” Michael said, stepping forward and pushing her out of the way. “Don’t ask them!”

“Why not?” she retorted.

“Because they aren’t your best friends and it’s inappropriate for you to ask!”

“What’s inappropriate is Gavin feeling up Jack on a live podcast,” Lindsay grinned. “If I’m subjected to that, then I  _deserve_ to be subjected to you telling me how six guys all have sex at once!”

“Oh my god,” Michael groaned, pushing the heel of his palms into his eyes to relieve the building tension in his skull.

“I can’t believe you won’t tell me yourself,” Lindsay said, shaking her head. She crept closer to the door and put her ear to the wood, focusing and trying to listen for any sounds of recording. There was just silence and she grinned, hand on the knob.

Michael had no excuse for it.

He tackled her to the floor, jumping into her side and forcibly pushing her away from the door. Her hand slipped from the doorway as the two tumbled together, Lindsay grunting at the impact and attempting to shove Michael off impatiently.

“Ouch!” Michael yelped when her knee conveniently found its way to his crotch, pushing on his balls and drawing a pained moan from his mouth as he struggled off of her, cupping his bits in a hand and wincing. “That wasn’t fair,” he rasped.

“Not really,” she agreed before pushing herself to her feet. Michael lurched forward and grabbed her ankles before she could walk out of range. He didn’t really mean for her to trip and slam into the ground, but didn’t let go when she kicked at him. “Really, Michael?!”

“That’s a fucking bitch move if you ask them!” he said in a threatening voice. Her Converse shoe got him right in the mouth and he let go as if burned, clutching his bleeding lip.

“Oh – oh, oops,” Lindsay said, sitting up and reaching for Michael. Despite her being the one who’d caused it, he let her gently inspect the small splitting open of skin inside his lower lip, his chin firmly gripped by her hand as she turned his head, the other hand’s fingers probing his mouth. “I’m sorry, Michael,” she apologized. “I wasn’t aiming for your face.”

“Yeah, well, you sure as hell got it,” he said jokingly, wiping the blood on the back of his sleeve. “It’s fine,” he said, standing up and quickly blocking her from the Achievement Hunter door. “You owe me now!” he cried, licking the small wound. “Not allowed in!”

Her nostrils flared with her angry huff, but she didn’t argue, instead climbing to her feet. She stepped closer to Michael and whispered, “Don’t underestimate me.”

He watched as she walked away, having given up for the time being. Heaving a big sigh of relief, he finally turned and opened the door, making sure she wasn’t following after him with a quick glance as he slipped inside the room.

It was empty.

—-

Michael had to avert Lindsay from a collision with the boys sixfour times that day, each one getting more and more ridiculous than the last. Gavin was ready to punch his lights out by the end of working hours, looking right pissed that Michael had physically steered him away from the warehouse. Michael had forced Ryan to stay in their office all day, even going as far as lying that he missed the blonde and just wanted to spend a bit of time together, though he then proceeded to do nothing but watch the door for signs of Lindsay. Needless to say, none of his boyfriends were very pleased with him.

It was Geoff who cracked first. After rising out of his seat and quickly being asked by the redhead as to where he was going, Geoff snapped, “Give it a rest, Michael! I’m going to the fucking bathroom!”

“It was just a question!” Michael shot back, watching nervously as Geoff opened the office door, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that no one was standing outside the door. A few seconds after Geoff left, he stood up and said, “I have to go, too.”

Geoff glared at him as he opened the bathroom door. Michael took the only urinal next to Geoff, guiltily glancing away when the other continued to stare at him. He had a little trouble relieving himself but once he was finished, he pulled Geoff away from the sink where he’d been drying his hands and went to connect their lips. He wasn’t expecting Geoff to push him away with a frown, looking unhappy.

“What?” Michael questioned, confused.

_You’re kinda pissing me off today_ , was what Geoff wanted to say, but to be a little nicer, he truthfully said, “Not really in the mood,” before leaving the bathroom. Michael stared at the wall, shocked and a little hurt. Geoff was  _always_ in the mood, no matter where or when. Michael didn’t think he could recall Geoff ever refusing a kiss, or even breaking one first for that matter. His heart felt a little heavy as he left the bathroom after a long five minutes of washing his hands.

He started to think something was wrong when he saw Geoff easily kissing Jack later that afternoon, and couldn’t shake the feeling all night, suddenly struck with unease and uncertainly.

Geoff hadn’t wanted to kiss him.

—-

Michael should’ve never started to look for the small signs, because once he tried to see them, they soon consumed his sight.

Firstly, Geoff refusing to kiss him. Then, over the next week or so, Gavin not even looking at him. Ryan and Jack too consumed with each other to glance in his direction. Ray completely quiet around him. As Michael sat in the bed, alone and rather cold, he had to wonder; where things always like this? Were they just there because he was looking, or was he actually seeing them for the first time? He’d never been very good at relationships, after all.

Maybe they were tired of him.

He knew rationally it was a ridiculous thought. They were adults. They could work out their issues like reasonable people. If they didn’t want to be in a relationship… well…

Michael had trouble finding easy, painless ways to break it off with  _one_ singular person in a polyamorous relationship without someone’s feelings getting hurt. Sitting him down and simply telling him they no longer wanted him was uncomfortable and humiliating. One person talking to him privately was worse, because then the silent rejection from the others would result in unbearable awkwardness around those who didn’t do the breaking up themselves. Booting one person from a poly relationship was damn near impossible, much more so in Michael’s case because he fucking  _worked_ with the guys.

Utterly unintentionally, Michael had backed the five people he loved most in the world into a corner. They may no longer love him, but Michael seriously doubted they hated him. Otherwise, they would take no pity on his feelings and simply dump him, uncaring about his subsequent humiliation. He could even lose his job if that interesting dynamic between the AH guys was broken.

So now they  _couldn’t_ break up with him. Laying back in the bed, Michael bitterly wondered what they were planning to do. Just suck it up and let him cling like some dickie bitch? They couldn’t get rid of him bu instead hoped that he left on his own, apparently.

Michael’s eyes lit up as a resolution came to him, though the very thought of doing it made his heart fill with lead. Breaking up with them, all of them, would solve most of his problems, excluding his broken heart of course. No longer would he be the sore thumb. His lovers would be comfortable and stress-free without having to entertain the annoying angry guy anymore. The thought of moving out and having to leave the people he thought of so highly made his eyes burn, but the thought of them being happy and content was worth it, he supposed

The timing was just fucking perfect. Right after Lindsay found out, right after she squealed about it probably to the entire company. Now Michael was going to somehow have to explain what had happened between him and the rest of his coworkers, if he ended up going through with breaking up with them.

Lindsay was going to rip his head off. Michael probably just wouldn’t tell her until she figured it out for herself, like he’d done when entering the relationship. After mulling it over for a long time, Michael started to realize that perhaps she’d set off the catalyst to the thoughts.

Why was Michael embarrassed in the first place? Because he bottomed for five guys. He was rarely allowed to top, in fact, in bed. He hadn’t complained; he was thrilled to sub for any of the boys, but now it seemed weird to him. Had they already been tired of him by then? Restricting his activities in bed? They’d never explicitly told Michael he couldn’t top, but once it came down to the dirty, he was certainly always the one with something up his asshole.

Was it just an easy way of shutting him up and satisfying him? It tended to be Geoff fucking him the most often, and it was always so hasty and rough. Never how Jack fucked Ray, which was tender and drawn out. Michael wouldn’t say aloud, of course, that he wanted that.

Geoff was just getting him out of the way first, then. That was a reasonable conclusion considering Geoff was damn near insatiable and would dive back in for seconds, even if it was just to deliver a blowjob or a quick fingering to someone else. Michael knew the tattooed man loved to see pleasure brought to his partners’ faces, but now that Michael looked back on their time together, he never seemed to treat Michael the same.

Before Michael knew it, there were tears staining the sheets warm beneath his cheek. As his lovers slid into bed next to him, he was starkly aware of the feel of a body pressed up against him, and the absence of arms around his waist forced a sob from his throat, muffled and going unheard as he buried his face into the pillow. There was a quiet click of the light going off, and he heard five sighs released in synch as the rest of the men faded off to sleep.

Michael didn’t get a wink. It wasn’t rare for him to miss a night’s sleep every once in a while, but usually it was spent doing something fun or exciting. Not pathetically crying into the pillow like a little bitch, desperately choking back sobs as he tried to keep quiet. Ray was a particularly light sleeper and Michael couldn’t stand the idea of him waking up to Michael’s stupid sniveling.

The sun rose, but Michael’s mood did not. He felt lifeless against the bed as the rest began to slowly wake, greeting one another with sleepy kisses and gentle touches. They could be ridiculously sappy for five full grown men. Michael had grown rather fond of that.

He, on the other hand, was not touched. Feigning sleep, he curled into their warm spots once the last one, probably Ray, left. He could hear quiet murmurs as they talked to one another in the master bathroom, but he couldn’t make out the words, and honestly, he didn’t even try. He desperately wanted sleep, to get away from this reality that had taken a very sudden turn into nightmare territory. His brain, however, would not rest.

“– still sleeping, I’ll go make breakfast,” he heard Jack say as he left the room. Michael opened one eye to see Gavin and Ray following him out, the bathroom empty. He was left alone in the bedroom.

The tears had dried sticky on his cheeks. He furiously scrubbed them off as if the boys would see the pitiful residue on his face. His skin now turned an angry shade of pink from his rough treatment, Michael quickly took a shower and brushed his teeth, wondering idly if this was the day he would no longer be boyfriends with the five men in the kitchen. Then he pondered over if they were going to do it before he finally worked up the nerve to. He’d been a real drag lately, so it wouldn’t surprise Michael in the slightest.

“Good morning,” Geoff said politely when Michael entered the kitchen. Michael could see Geoff’s frown when Michael weakly parroted it back to him, the redhead’s voice hoarse. The tattooed man said nothing, however, as Michael took his seat with a piece of toast, the redhead nibbling off the end of it for a long while as he stared at the wall, listening to the sounds of an average morning in the Achievement Hunter household.

It was a little more dull than usual, but Michael barely minded. He got ready just like the rest of them, packed his backpack just like the rest of them, and sat down in the office and recorded just like the rest of them. No one said much about his timid disposition. Hell, they were probably glad he was quiet for once.

Lindsay, his worst fear, poked her head in around one. She’d been gone the majority of this last week on a vacation to Dallas with her family, and he’d managed to keep her away the week before. She seemed to be back on the case, and just the sight of her made Michael’s stomach plummet.

Showing the most animation he had in weeks, Michael shot up from his chair before she could say a word and darted out of the room, shepherding Lindsay into the hallway and back towards the kitchen. She looked disgruntled by his attitude.

“I wasn’t gonna ask,” she said sourly, raising her hands and backing off. “I was just gonna say hi! I had a great trip, thanks for asking – are you alright?”

Michael cringed. “Yeah.”

“You look pale,” Lindsay commented. “Are you sick?”

“Bit of a cough,” Michael lied, but his hoarse voice seemed to convince Lindsay. She nodded and patted his arm in empathy. He watched her walk away. For a moment, as Michael stared at her back, he was hit with the need to call her back, fall to his knees, and just start crying. Begging for something,  _anything_ to tell him that it was crazy, that it was all in his head.

But her back disappeared around the corner and she was gone. Michael was left alone, again, in the kitchen.

The feeling was beginning to feel natural.

He attracted a lot of odd looks when he returned to his desk. Sitting slowly in his chair, he was hit with a wave of lightheadedness. His bones felt tired, eyes sandy and heavy. He was exhausted, and there was still like three hours left in his day.

“Michael?” Gavin asked quietly when it was almost time to leave. Michael jolted slightly and looked at the Brit, meeting his eyes for the first time in what felt like days. Gavin looked confused. “Are you sick?”

“No?” Michael said automatically. He cursed himself. Now his stories didn’t match up.

“You’re looking a bit ill,” Gavin continued, frowning. “Did you forget your glasses at home, too?”

Michael was almost surprised to raise a hand and find that his glasses were indeed missing. He must’ve forgotten to put them on at all this morning and had gone the entire day without noticing.

Geoff, who was standing by Jack and looking over the bearded man’s shoulder, turned to give Michael a smirk, obviously having caught Michael’s surprised expression. “Shows how much work you’ve been getting done.”

Even the stupid fucking words got to him.

“Yeah, sorry,” Michael whispered and turned back to his computer, unable to look his boss in the eye. He bit his lip at the descending silence, just fucking waiting for the words to come.

A warm hand pressed against his forehead. He jumped and looked up, but he didn’t have to see. He knew it was Ray from the familiar touch. “Nope,” Ray said to someone behind him, obviously having answered a question that Michael hadn’t heard. “Just a bit brain-dead, I guess,” the Puerto Rican joked, lightly rapping his knuckles against Michael’s skull. Michael gave Ray a weak smile, finding himself unwilling to force a laugh.

“Michael?” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Michael said.

“Are you okay?”

Michael turned around to find them all waiting for him by the door. Glancing at the clock, he was startled to find that the last hour had passed without him even noticing. The space between Ray feeling his forehead and Jack quietly speaking his name, in his mind, was about five seconds, but according to the pixilated clock on the wall, it was more like fifty-seven minutes. They were staring at him with something akin to concern, their bags slung around their shoulders.

“Uh – sorry,” Michael apologized, standing up and swaying slightly. His mind swarm with exhaustion. “I was zoning out.”

He couldn’t hear what Ray muttered to the rest of the guys, but it made them laugh. Michael burned with discomfort – it was most likely about him and it was probably degrading. He couldn’t repress the sigh as he zipped up his bag and followed the rest of the guys out of the room.

Ryan and Geoff filled the car with idle chatter as they drove home. Michael briefly fell asleep against the van window, face leaving a smeared, drool-y imprint on the interior glass, before he awakened by a sharp turn that smushed his nose rather painfully against the mineral. He rubbed it sourly as they approached the house.

He was able to sleep that night, but only for exactly one hour and twenty-six minutes. He spent the rest of the night closely watching the clock. The numbers seemed to be going too fast to be telling the time, and before Michael could fall into a proper sleep, he was awakened by something touching his forehead.

Blinking open sandy eyes, he looked around the room but saw no one. The bed was empty and cold, the clock reading 7:05AM. Not much sleep at all.

_Better than last night,_  Michael thought to himself, pulling himself from the bed.

He wasn’t really surprised he broke down at work that day. It was bound to happen sooner or later. He was a wreck, complete with mental and physical fatigue, as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were puffy and sunken in, his cheek bones sharp against his gaunt skin. His skin was so pale it was almost gray, his lips dry and cracked. He didn’t blame Gavin for wondering if he was sick – he looked like he belonged in a hospital. Maybe in the psychiatric ward.

A full-fucking-grown man crying to himself in a bathroom at work. About a relationship.

“I can’t get any more fucking sad, can I,” Michael whispered to himself, laughing slightly as he wiped a tear from his eye. His nose was stuffy and made his voice sound odd, but the tears didn’t do much in way of making him look worse. He couldn’t get that much worse without just looking dead.

His heart skipped a beat when he heard the bathroom door open. He’d forgotten to lock it –

“Michael?”

_Shit, shit, shit._

“Yeah,” Michael said as casually as he could, sniffing nondescriptly and bending down to wash his face with water. At least the tears weren’t visible now. He could turn to look at Ryan without instantly incriminating himself.

“What were you doing?” Ryan said, smiling. “Talking to your reflection.”

Michael silently thanked Ryan for giving him an easy excuse. “Well, you know me,” he laughed shakily. “I can entertain myself for quite a while.”

Ryan laughed and nodded in agreement. He allowed Michael to slip by him until the redhead was practically running down the hall to get to his desk, where he could sit and have a reason to talk to no one while he edited –

“Ow! Fuck, Michael, I’m standing literally right here,” Geoff exclaimed when Michael slammed into his chest. Michael bounced off and started to tilt backwards until Geoff grabbed his wrists to prevent him from falling.

“Ah – sorry, Geoff,” Michael muttered, trying to pull his hands from the tattooed man’s grip. Geoff, playfully or not, held on tightly, pulling Michael closer to his body with a few gentle tugs. Michael was forced to look into Geoff’s eyes then, being only inches from the man.

He was indeed playful, or at least was in the beginning. The impish glint disappeared the moment they met eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy,” Michael said angrily attempting to jerk his wrists out of Geoff’s grasp, but the older only tightened his hands. “Get off – can’t you see I want you to let go?”

Geoff’s eyebrows shot up at the rather panicky tone and he quickly released the redhead. Michael could tell that Geoff was now spooked by his odd behavior and his stomach hollowed out. He wondered if this was it.

“Michael,” Geoff said calmingly, raising his hands in a non-threatening gesture. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong, baby, and I can help you.”

Tears. Dreaded, terrible, fat, shameful tears started to build in his eyes. Geoff hadn’t called him ‘baby’ in weeks, the name often only used in either sexual situations or sweet scenarios, both of which had been lacking as of late. Perhaps both were due to Michael often ducking out, but the dumb nickname still made the moisture sting his eyes.

“Michael?” Geoff said in concern. He could probably see the tears.

“Stop it, Geoff,” Michael snapped, rubbing furiously at his cheek when the first tear fell. He couldn’t blame Geoff’s stunned expression. Michael didn’t often cry from emotional stress.

To make matters even fucking worse, Michael could see Jack, Gavin, and Ray peaking their heads over the corner of the kitchen, probably drawn out of the office by Geoff’s earlier words of ‘tell me what’s wrong’. He couldn’t see their expressions from here, but he wondered if they were filled with anticipation. Everything seemed to be coming to a head.

He couldn’t stop the words

“Are you gonna do it?” he blurted, squeezing his eyes shut as he wiped at them to rid himself of tears.

“Do what?”

“You know what,” Michael whispered. He looked at Geoff and the man seemed genuinely confused.

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Break up with me!” Michael burst, growling in frustration when more tears just kept falling. “Fucking – god, I’m going to fucking kill myself –”

“Michael,” Geoff said in a sharp, alarmed tone. Michael glanced at him and quickly backpedaled.

“I didn’t mean that literally.”

“What are you talking about?” Geoff asked, looking worried. He didn’t dare come closer, however, and Michael wasn’t sure what that meant. Geoff’s bewildered expression was doing a number on his brain.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Michael said in a scratchy tone. There were four distinct inhales of breath, one coming from behind him. Ryan looked shocked as he stood just feet from the redhead. Michael wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there.

“What are you talking about?” Geoff repeated, but this time the words were angry. Short.

“I’m breaki –”

“I fucking  _heard_ you, Michael; I want to know where this is coming from!” Geoff shouted, making Michael jump. His voice echoed off the building’s walls.

Michael had trouble drawing breath to form the words. “I – I –” He closed his eyes and a tear fell from under his lid. “I know, alright?” he said, voice cracking. The air seemed to thicken. “I – I can see it, you guys just don’t feel like that towards me anymore. Any of you– we’ve barely talked or looked at each other and I’ve been quiet and no one’s talked to me. Or maybe you didn’t notice. Even before all that, it would just be a quick fuck and I - maybe I was selfish, I don’t know, but I always bottomed maybe because you just wanted to get it over with, I don’t know. And – and you can’t break up with me because it would be weird and awkward and we work together in a job that makes it kinda hard to avoid each other. And I’m – I’m ruining it, I’m ruining everything. The relationship, the videos, everything, I’m just –”

A sob interrupted his sentence and he bit his tongue trying to cut it off. Geoff was looking at him, boring a hole into his head, but Michael didn’t want to look at him. Couldn’t bear the disappointment, the pitying look, the  _relief_ in those familiar gray eyes. He shook his head as his words came to a choked end, clenching his eyes shut and bowing his head.

“It’s just not the same. With me. And you. And everyone else. I’m just the piece that doesn’t fit now. And it’s embarrassing and humiliating and pathetic, and it fucking  _hurts_ so if you don’t mind I’d like to be let go now,” Michael finished. His voice came out stronger than he expected, with minimal voice cracks.

There were no words.

Geoff seemed to stumble forward, wrapping heavy arms under Michael’s arms and slamming the redhead into his chest. His hands held Michael’s head, fingers mindlessly toying with his hair as Geoff leaned his own head down and pressed his lips to Michael’s curls. Michael felt something warm drip onto his scalp.

Another pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, sliding in the slim space between Michael’s body and Geoff’s. It was Ryan, the blonde pressing his cheek into Michael’s shoulder as he tightened his arms.

“What are you doing?” Michael said monotonously, eyes wide and confused. He could see Jack, Gavin, and Ray pushing off from the wall hurriedly to come and join the awkward little huddle in the middle of the company kitchen. It was a miracle no one had walked in on them yet.

It wasn’t until everyone was touching Michael in some way that Geoff finally mumbled the words into his hair, “We’re hugging you.”

Michael swallowed. “Why, though?”

Geoff’s hands shook as he twirled a curl with a finger. “Because we love you, you stupid, dumb, retarded, emotionally-constipated idiot.”

Michael brain seemed to short-circuit. “You do?” His arms hung limply at his sides.

“You’re such a knob,” Gavin said. “We noticed you were quiet – sorta hard not to. We thought you were just sick, though.”

“You were sleeping a lot,” Ray said dully, sounding shell-shocked. Michael couldn’t blame him – the brunette had never seen Michael cry before.

“Looked crappy,” Jack said softly, leaning his head on Michael’s shoulder. Jack had always been a softie, so it wasn’t all that surprising when the sympathy-cryer leaked wet beads of moisture onto the redhead’s shirt.

“Stuffy nose,” Ryan added. Michael could pretty much feel the waves of realization coming off of everyone as Ryan hissed, “From crying, wasn’t it. I – we’re so stupid.”

Geoff hugged him tighter, causing the group to sway a little. Michael could feel his Adam’s apple bob as the tattooed man swallowed heavily. His voice came out thick. “Why didn’t you talk to us?”

“Because I didn’t want to be dumped,” Michael said, voice high. He was trying with all of his might to keep from blubbering into the man’s shoulder, but it wasn’t quickly becoming a tougher task as Geoff himself sounded near tears.

“Why would we ever…” Geoff faded off. He sniffed and started again. “Michael, we didn’t think you, of all people, needed that sort of reassurance, or wanted that kind of sex. Now we do, of course, but – but you have to understand. We thought it’d make you uncomfortable. You’re so – well,  _you._ So brash, so coarse, so hasty. You seemed uneasy with it in the beginning, so we dialed back the affection we showed towards you.”

Michael finally broke, the tears falling in a continuous stream down his cheeks as he let out a sob into Geoff’s shoulder. Suddenly, he could see how it went wrong clear as day. “I was, in the beginning, because I was  _embarrassed._ ”

Geoff patted his head, soothing him. “I know,” he murmured. “I get that now. You have to understand though, Michael – we fucking  _adore_ you. We always have. If we had a problem, any sort of problem, we’d sit down and talk about it. Not just fucking  _tolerate_ you. Michael, we love you so much…”

Michael sobbed into Geoff’s shoulder, a hand coming up to weakly grip and the fabric. The quick gasps of air he managed to suck in where loud to his own ears and the sobs ripped his throat on the way out. He sounded as if he was having a panic attack, and he could very well be on his way to that.

“Shh, shh,” Geoff hummed, letting out a few quick sobs of his own before collecting himself. The rest of the boys clung to the redhead as if he was about to disappear through the floor. It was a bit of an awkward position, but Michael was saved. He was surrounded with warmth, and, for the first time in weeks, love. His heart fluttered happily in his chest, feeling as if it were about to fly right out of his mouth with every heave, until finally the ridiculous weeping was over with. He was left sniffling against Geoff’s chest, the older man still petting his hair affectionately. Michael closed his eyes in exhaustion, going limp against the other.

“Did he fall asleep?” he heard Gavin croak. A few of the hands started to let go and Michael almost whined. He wished he never had to leave the embrace.

“No,” Michael said quietly. “Can I sleep on the couch? If that’s… okay.”

“I’ll drive you home,” Geoff offered instead with a frown. “As if I’d make you sleep on the couch here at work. It smells like Ryan’s ass.”

“So, good, then,” Ryan teased half-heartedly.

“C’mon,” Geoff cooed to Michael, who was unwilling to move against the other’s chest. When Michael refused to even shift an inch, Geoff sighed. “Are you really going to make me carry you?”

“I can’t move,” Michael whispered truthfully. His body was beginning to shut down from fatigue, his muscles feeling as if someone had lined them with barbed wire.

He almost couldn’t believe it when Geoff actually bent down to sweep him quite literally off his feet. Eyes popping open, Michael stared at him in surprise, taking in the lines of dried tears down his face. He instantly felt guilty for causing Geoff so much grief.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Geoff said knowingly, walking to the office and thanking Jack when he slid Michael’s backpack over his arm. He was held up slightly when Gavin pressed a passing kiss to Michael’s forehead, and then even more when everyone else then demanded a chance to give the redhead some sort of loving gesture. Ray and Jack pressed kisses to his forehead, Ryan kissed his nose, and Gavin kissed both his lips and cheek. He didn’t seem to mind the taste of tears as he pulled back, brushing a few strands of loose back from Michael’s face.

“Are we ready to go now?” Geoff groused, but he was smiling. His arms were tired from holding the redhead up for so long.

“Wait!” cried a different voice from the hallway. Michael was surprised to see Lindsay, of all people, standing in the doorway, looking distressed. She fidgeted nervously under all six gazes. “Can I talk to him for just a sec?”

Michael nodded, answering for himself, and stood on shaky feet when Geoff set him down. He stumbled over to Lindsay, smiling at her with a tired grin.

“I’m sorry,” she said seriously, talking quietly so as not to be heard by the other Hunters. She took his hand in hers and tugged him closer until they were hugging, too. “This was my fault. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Linds,” Michael said gruffly. “You didn’t do anything.”

“I’m still sorry. I kept everyone away while you were, ah, having a moment,” she said awkwardly. “No one heard. I’m… really happy for you, Michael.”

Michael gave her another tired smile. “Thanks, Lindsay.”

She released him from her hug, Michael swaying on his feet a bit. His bones seemed to have melted. She laughed and stuffed a little note into his pocket, whispering into his ear, “Read that when you’re feeling a bit better,” before skipping off.

“Are you ready now?” Geoff said softly, tugging on Michael’s hand gently. At Michael’s exhausted nod, he very carefully led the redhead to the parking lot and helped him in the car, making sure Michael didn’t trip or hit his head on the roof. Normally Michael would’ve made fun of him for such delicate handling, but Michael was actually pretty thankful for it. One stumble and he’d probably just pass out on the ground.

Geoff helped him all the way to the bedroom back home, tucking him under the covers and pressing feathery light kisses all over his face. He cradled both sides of Michael’s face and looked deeply into his eyes, making absolute sure that his message was sent.

Geoff spoke clearly, his words firm. “We love you, Michael Jones. Don’t doubt that.” And for once, Michael didn’t.

Just before drifting off to sleep, Geoff having closed the door quietly behind him just seconds before, Michael remembered the note that Lindsay had curiously stuffed in his pocket. He took it out and unfolded it, flushing at the hastily scribbled words on the blue sticky pad and smiling as he balled it up and playfully threw it in the trash can.

_PS: I knew you were a bottom :)_


End file.
